Most if not all people going through a divorce experience the emotional setbacks that come with the territory of such a life altering change.  That being said, these emotions, while understandable, can prevent litigants for acting logically and as a result their divorce becomes more expensive, their children become more involved, and they are left emotionally and financially drained. While there is no magic want to avoid the emotions of a divorce, there are certain things that people going through a divorce should NOT do during (and after divorce proceedings) as doing these things can ensure lowered self-esteem, a slower recovery, and children who are emotionally affected unnecessarily.

People going through a divorce should NOT do the following:

1. Using the Children To Gain A Financial Advantage
    Mixing apples and oranges.  While it is tempting to withhold the children from the parent who is not paying the support you believe you need, or not paying support at all, these issues are not one in the same.  Financial damage is minimal compared to the emotional damage to a child if they are prevented from seeing their other parent.  Simply stated, financial issues should remain adult issues.
2. Your Child Is Not Your Friend
    Conversations with your child should remain focused on their concerns and reassuring them that they are loved, that they will be cared for, and that you will do whatever you can to make sure that there is the least amount of impact on your children you can.  Your children are not your friends, they should not be engaging in financial discussions, or being used as emotional support.  While it is tempting at times based upon pure anger and hurt you may be experiencing, a step back will reflect that there is absolutely nothing positive from involving the children in the financial matters of a divorce.  They don’t need to hear that it is their father’s fault they are losing their house.  They don’t need to hear that they can’t go to gymnastics because their mother won’t pay.  These types of statements breed resentment and anger at both parents and serve no positive benefit to the child even if they are true.
3. Social Media Is Not Your Stage
    Social media has become the forum to air everything and anything.  Whether it’s bashing your ex-spouse or posting pictures of your new single life, inevitably it can come back to haunt you.  Being proud you purchased a new car turns into an argument that you no longer require alimony.   Being out with a new girlfriend or boyfriend turns into bringing having your children sleepover with strangers.  Going out with friends for drinks turns into a substance abuse problem.  The tip- use social media sparingly and cautiously while going through a divorce proceeding.
4. Relying Upon the Advice of Friends and Family
    Do NOT take the well intentioned advice of your friends and family over that of your lawyer. While friends and family members that have gone through a divorce may feel they know best and that they are helping you, keep in mind that their advice comes from their own experience. Every case is different from the length of the marriage, the finances involved, and even the laws in place at that time.  There are too many variables to have a one size fits all approach and sometimes reliance upon the information can do nothing but prevent you from listening to the advice from your attorney who has the experience and the knowledge to provide you the best advice in your particular case.
5. I “forgot” to Tell You
    In any matter, whether it be relating to a substance abuse issue, to the inheritance of funds, do NOT hide anything from your attorney.  We cannot protect you if we are not fully informed and hiding information does nothing but delay matters, create mistrust between the attorney and the client, and at worst can expose a litigant to post judgment litigation.  Full disclosure is the only way that you receive the advice you need and finality you deserve.