A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE DIVORCED PERSON ON THE MOST DREADED HALLMARK HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR: VALENTINE’S DAY.

Valentine’s Day can be difficult and dreaded by many people.  Married couples or people in relationships often dread the holiday because of the pressure to show “love “on what is just an ordinary day designed to force affection.  However, this holiday, which some refer to as “Singles Awareness Day” is often dreaded by clients that are going through a divorce or have recently been divorced.  Despite the plausibility that this holiday went without much of a “to do” during their marriage, the red outfits, red roses, candy, and smiles of their married and coupled co-workers can push a focus on what they don’t have or a perceived “loss”.

If you are newly divorced, separated, or just at a single place in your life, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the most dreaded day of the year.  With the right perspective and beliefs about ourselves, it can be a day of freedom and a day to show yourself the love we all neglect to show ourselves.

Tips To Enjoy V-Day:

1. Challenge yourself to a class or other exercise routine that you have put off out of fear of not being capable.  Enjoy the strength of your body and be present with it, there is no greater ally in our world than a healthy strong body.

• If you have children, make a date with them and use this day to boost their self-confidence and sense of love from you.  Take time off from homework, that extra-curricular activity schedule and enjoy a nice dinner and movie together.   
• If you have the night alone, use it wisely and engage in self-care.  Get your nails done, buy your favorite meal, take a bath and enjoy the serenity of doing activities or spending time doing exactly what you want. 
• Turn off your phone, instant messaging, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and disconnect to be with yourself and your mind. “Fakebook” is just that- a fake world of made up love when ironically the people flaunting their roses from their incredible spouse haven’t even thanked that incredible spouse before they posted in on Instagram while it simultaneously posted on Facebook and then got tweeted. #besthusbandever #havenottalkedtohimtoday.
•  If you have any desire to go on social media, post a picture of the flowers and incredible dessert, new outfit, new shoes, or anything you did for yourself and be proud of showing yourself the most important love any of us need- self love.   Being alone on Valentine’s Day does not mean you aren’t worth being celebrated today or any other day- flaunt it.  
• Use Valentine’s Day and every day moving forward to focus on showing yourself compassion and be gentle with yourself. There is no doubt that divorce is difficult, or that at being alone on holidays including this particular Hallmark Holiday highlighting “love” can be painful, however, in the end it’s a reflection of our own beliefs about ourselves. Using this day as an opportunity to love ourselves would be the ultimate definition of being someone’s Valentine and this belief ensures this holiday will never be painful again.

Kelli M. Martone, Esq. is a family law attorney with the Martone Law Group. In addition to divorce and child custody matters, she assists clients with child support, domestic violence, property distribution and matters involving abuse and neglect.  If you require assistance in any of these family law related matters call the lawyers at the Martone Law Group at 856-617-6700 to set up a consultation.