- posted: Jul. 13, 2020
- Family Law
Beginnings can start invisibly or they can be explosive. The end of a marriage will in theory always throw you into a new beginning, of course, depending on perspective. Divorce can result in the beginning of your life, a life absent being identified as someone’s spouse. This can cause days of doubt, fear or at times even excitement. Be mindful of this process and situation as an opportunity. Know that new beginnings can hold promise and hope and when felt or viewed with enthusiasm they serve a much better purposes than when viewed as a complete loss.
It is so important in this world not to let our painful lessons, such as divorce, prevent our enthusiasm for what’s to come in our future. Getting to start new, make changes, or even have room for a new romantic partner who may be more aligned with where you are at this stage in your life can be exciting and full of promise. Just because things leading up to the divorce have been hard and painful, that doesn’t define you nor does that mean that is all your future will hold. In fact, if we were all incredibly real with ourselves, most of us only make changes in our lives when we are forced to or when we were hurt. Otherwise, we all tend to sit where we are, ride things out, and accept things as they are without much thought as to whether we are living our best life and whether these things serve us.
Use this chance to start over. Let yourself see this as a chance you have been given to make your life more in line with your needs, wants and desires. Your more mature, experienced needs that have developed during the course of your marriage and adulthood. Choose carefully what you chose and who you chose to be on this new journey. Say goodbye to the things and people that no longer serve you but don’t do so with worry about who you will have to replace them. You replace them and you start being the person that you deserve…..the rest follows in peace. Let it unfold naturally, absent the control almost universally used to ensure our safety as we navigate this world and start this new path with an open heart and open mind. See for the first time who you are alone and what the world has to offer you- not what you were led to believe was right for you.
Most of us, if not all of us, have had our past journeys based upon experiences other people wanted for us. Humans innately try to please and we try to dictate the lessons we will learn and what we “should” experience in life without given too much thought as to the why behind it. Realize, that while some of those experiences were in fact wonderful, many were not and many caused us confusion and pain because we were not doing things from our genuine self but rather our programmed self, whether programmed by family experience, society, or anything other than ourselves and what makes us feel good. Not what is supposed to make us feel good- but what actually feels good. When are we the happiest? When are we the most relaxed? Where are we and with who when we lose self-esteem or find ourselves shying away from being ourselves? Starting today you can follow your own path, your own heart, and trust yourself to make the choices best for YOUR life. Pay attention, keep the noise in your life positive and surround yourself with the people and opportunities that leave you smiling and satisfied when you lay down at night. Embrace the opportunity to be a little less defined such as “someone’s spouse”, “someone’s mother/father”, and be a little more of you.
Divorce is truly an emotional process for anyone, regardless of who initiated the process. Someone if not everyone is in pain and afraid of losing the stability of marriage, whether or not that marriage was serving your life purpose or not. Whether or not that relationship was making you the best you, best parent, or happiest self you could be, everyone experiences doubt, fear, and even rejection while going through this process. There is an innate feeling that we did something wrong to get here, to lose what other people make seem so effortless. We failed. Instead of taking that approach, accept what it is- simply a chance to broaden your life and engulf new experiences and relationships not only with other people, but with yourself. Come out of this experience ahead and with an understanding that this path was the one meant for you so grab it and go.